Getting Real With Shadra Bruce
I loved my mom, and these almost six years without her have only served to make me realize how integral she was to my life. But, as a teen and young adult, we were as capable of butting heads as we were of being close friends.
For so many years, I tried hard not to be like my mom. She was a stay at home mom, so I wanted to be an international business person. She was a marvelous cook, so I refused to ever learn how. She really knew how to clean house, so during my early 20s I pretty much didn’t.
It wasn’t until I started raising kids that I realized how truly amazing my mom really was. Having kids is hard, time-consuming, and often a series of extremely selfless acts. It changes your body, your emotions, your priorities.
It wasn’t until I had teenagers in the house that I realized what it was like to be on the receiving end of teen know-it-all attitude, to feel my worth diminished in the eyes of one who has been recently empowered with the knowledge of the universe.
And it wasn’t until I had adult children making their own decisions about their lives that I realized how difficult it is to step back and let them make their own mistakes and discover who they are.
I only wish my mom was still here, not only so I could apologize for the asinine b.s. I pulled as a teenager and the ridiculous know-it-all attitude I carried through my young adulthood, but so that she could see how well her efforts, sacrifice, and sheer determination to keep being there because she loved me even when she didn’t like me very much.
I know she wondered and worried if I would ever get it together or settle in and enjoy life. I know she would be proud of who I’ve become and the amazing people her grandchildren are becoming.
I spent so much time fighting being like her…only to realize that it is from her that I learned to be a mom and a woman.
Thank goodness, I am my mother’s daughter.