Getting Real with Kira Hazledine
Every mom’s journey is unique. We all have post-pregnancy struggles, and body image is often one of them. I completely understand that some women feel pressure to return to pre-pregnancy bodies, and it can be very difficult. But for me, pregnancy did something for me that I hadn’t ever been able to accomplish on my own: I truly love my body.
Pregnancy is an incredible experience, and with each passing week, I got to feel life grow inside me. I didn’t even begrudge the stretch marks that appeared at about 38 weeks (I thought I had gotten lucky) because I was in complete awe of what I was accomplishing. I made a freaking person. Even a year and a half later, it still blows my mind.
Changing Old Expectations
During that time, I was able to really come to terms with my own expectations. It seemed ridiculous to ask myself to eat a salad daily to stay thin, especially when the child growing inside me wanted Doritos instead. It was also really hard to compare myself to other pregnant women, because many experiences are different. For years, I compared myself to other women, wondering if I held a candle to them and their beauty. Pregnancy made me feel gorgeous, without the pressure of the gym, salads, and whether I had a pooch. I felt free. Bloated today? Well, pregnancy is non-stop bloating so work those maternity jeans. Acne in weird places? Can’t control my hormones, busy growing a person.
Accepting New Changes
I have to admit, the most shocking change was my boobs. I have a relatively small frame, and I launched from a size 34 C to 36 DD. When I was carrying a basketball around with me, it wasn’t very noticeable. After giving birth, I definitely noticed. The hospital nurses commented on how I was “all baby” and I pretty much deflated. I went home with my newborn, and was absolutely shook at the difference in the mirror. Whose boobs were these?! Not mine. I felt so gross, which my husband laughs at now, because he thought it was awesome. I felt like they didn’t fit on my body, and I definitely cried. Now, I look in the mirror and I don’t even remember what they looked like before.
Some would tell me that I got lucky, and that I don’t know what other women are going through. You are right: I don’t know what other women are going through, but that doesn’t invalidate my experience. Just because my boobs are the only thing that shocked me doesn’t mean I didn’t go through other changes. They just didn’t bother me. My hips are wider, I’ve still got stretch marks, and my boobs will never be the same. I’m also a pro at throwing up and peeing myself at the same time. It is what it is.
Perspective Matters
The changes didn’t bother me because I was so impressed with myself. Carrying this child and giving birth made me feel like a warrior, and even when I was throwing up daily, I chose to be positive and embrace the experience for exactly what it was, not what I thought it should be. When I bench-pressed my own body weight for the first time at the gym, I was pretty damn proud. But nothing could compare to giving life. All of a sudden, all of my concerns about how I stacked up to other women seemed frivolous.
Every single mom is incredible, because there is so much sacrifice that goes into being a mother. My entire perspective changed when I became pregnant. I am thrilled with my stretch marks, because they remind me of what it was like to feel Hallie kick for the first time. My over-sized boobs still offer Hallie nutrition and they bring her comfort. And I rock a mom-pooch, no longer giving a crap about having a flat stomach. I think I look great, and I’ve never loved myself more.
You Are Beautiful
You don’t need to feel pressured to get your pre-baby body back. At this very moment, you are beautiful. Your body is incredible. Your body brought life into this world. If you want to hit the gym and get back into shape, go for it! I work out regularly because I want to, not because I feel like I have to. If you want a tummy-tuck or other reconstruction, you go girl. Sometimes it’s a medical necessity and other times it’s about being able to see your true self in the mirror. But love yourself NOW. Everything is a journey, and you can’t wait until the end of the road to appreciate what you have. And right now, you and your postpartum body are amazing.
