Getting Real With Veronica Ibarra

I am asked on a fairly regular basis how I can be so calm and level headed about things. More than once I’ve been told how well I handle things that would drive other mother’s completely insane with worry. While I appreciate the compliment, I am not without feelings of worry, concern, and outright anxiety about my own children.

Ultimately it’s about putting things in perspective–not the perspective of the grand scheme of things in the universe, but the perspective of my own experiences. Compared to some I’ve had some pretty earth shaking experiences, while to others my trials may seem trivial. That’s why I don’t like comparing my situation to others, but when I keep things in the perspective of my own life I can manage.

My son is showing signs of developmental delays. That’s the nice technical way to say it that doesn’t really explain anything and can sound as scary as it can be easily dismissed. What it really means is that though I have a cute little boy with a great smile he doesn’t communicate as fluently nor engage as other children his age generally do. This means I have entered into what should be familiar territory with my background, but as a mother I find myself feeling like I’m here for the first time.

We are in the beginning screening-evaluation-assessment stage. Even though I intellectually know the process, suddenly all the terms are jumbled up inside my head, and I’m struggling to keep it all straight. There is a difference between a screening, an evaluation, and an assessment, but like I said it has become a jumble. I can run through every behavior quirk my son has, explain in detail my concerns, and show a list I’ve kept of every word and phrase in his vocabulary. I know it all means something, but I don’t know what.

This isn’t worse than the time my daughter was hospitalized for complications related to swine flu. This isn’t worse than the time my son had surgery to remove a swollen lymph node we thankfully found out later was noncancerous. Comparatively this is nothing like either of those extremely scary events, but I am still a concerned mother. How can I not be?

Every time I sit and think about the future–the what-if’s and the unknowns–I can’t even imagine how I could possibly deal with anything. It throws me off balance. I find myself unsettled, worrying about my son now. What if the delays become more significant? What if this is just the beginning of something much more severe? How will this impact my family? What can I do?

That’s the kind of thinking that keeps a mother up at night.

This is when it helps me to look back at everything I’ve learned and experienced. I may feel out of my depth, but I am a mother. I worry, but I can’t let my fears prevent me from asking for help. I struggle to keep myself from overreacting, while also keeping myself from dismissing my own concerns as a mother. I remind myself that knowing is better than not knowing.

So I took my son in for a screening and the professionals listened to what I said, observed my son’s behavior, and as it turns out my concerns were validated. More evaluations and assessments are needed. Interventions will be implemented. No labels have been given, but one may be coming.

It won’t be the worst. I’m not a failure as a mother. I don’t have all the answers, but I am committed to doing the best that I can for my kids. As long as I’m willing to put them first I can be that level headed woman that everyone sees.