I want to acknowledge that not every parent-child relationship evolves in the way I describe here, and that even though I celebrate the place I have arrived at with my kids as young adults wasn’t always an easy or straight path. There have been painful moments along the way, and we didn’t get here without a lot of work and open communication from both sides -and a true desire to continue to have a relationship. But I’m lucky enough to have experienced this moment with all of my kids. If you don’t have that relationship, my heart is with you.
There’s a moment in every parent’s life that sneaks up on you, quietly and almost imperceptibly. One day, you’re reminding your kids to clean their rooms, making sure they’re eating right, helping with homework, and worrying about curfews. And then, almost overnight, they’re adults. They’re living their own lives, making their own decisions, and suddenly, the dynamic has shifted.
And here’s the beautiful truth: that’s exactly how it’s supposed to be.
Our kids are 38, 35, 25, and 23 now. They’ve grown into people we admire, respect, and—most surprisingly—truly enjoy being around. The transition from caregiver to friend isn’t always easy, but it’s deeply satisfying. It’s the reward of years spent parenting with love, patience, and honesty. You don’t lose your kids when they grow up; you gain companions in life.
These friendships aren’t about hanging out like teenagers. They’re about connection and respect. They’re about conversations that go deeper than schedules and responsibilities. They’re about sharing stories, asking for advice, and offering support, not because they need it, but because the bond you’ve built allows it to flow naturally.
Watching Our Grown Kids Navigate the World
Watching them navigate the world is a gift in itself. We see pieces of ourselves in them—the humor, the stubbornness, the curiosity—but we also see who they’ve chosen to become independently, how they’ve learned from our mistakes to be better people and better parents. They are their own people, and yet, our relationship remains strong, evolving, and incredibly rewarding.
Parenting grown kids comes with its own kind of challenges. You still care. You still worry. You still want to help when life knocks them down. But now, your role is quieter, steadier, grounded in trust rather than constant guidance. You get to witness their growth without steering every decision, and it’s freeing in a way that’s hard to describe until you experience it.
There’s also a joy in shared experiences that weren’t possible when they were younger. Conversations over coffee, deep talks about life choices, jokes that only the three of you understand, fun nights out on the town—these moments are precious. And while the chaos of raising young kids is behind us, we find new ways to bond, laugh, and support each other.
The Reciprocal Relationship With Grown Children
The beauty of this stage is that it’s reciprocal. Adult children can provide wisdom, perspective, and insight that enriches your life, just as much as you enrich theirs. We all have rich, deep conversations with each other about everything from raising kids to the socio-economic conditions of the world to great literature. Relationships evolve, yes, but in ways that can feel richer and more intentional than ever.
And while we celebrate these new friendships, we also honor the past. The memories of bedtime stories, scraped knees, family traditions, and first days of school are still part of the fabric of our relationship. They serve as reminders of the foundation that made these adult friendships possible.
It’s Not About Control or Letting Go
If there’s one thing I’ve learned through this evolution, it’s this: parenting isn’t about losing control or letting go; it’s about growing together. It’s about making space for independence while still showing up with love and encouragement (and sometimes, the wallet).
It’s about watching people you love blossom while continuing to be part of their lives in meaningful ways.
So, if you’re on the other side of parenting children into adulthood, take a moment to celebrate it. Rejoice in the friendships that have grown from years of parenting. Cherish the conversations, the laughter, and the shared memories. Because this stage of life, where your children become your companions, is nothing short of a gift.
The best part? The more you embrace it, the richer it becomes. You’re no longer just a parent; you’re a friend, a mentor, and a witness to lives you helped shape. And the joy that comes from that? It’s indescribable.
