Getting Real with Kira Hazledine

I can’t keep up with all the ridiculous things pregnant women are told not to do. Even the rules that may seem feasible in the beginning of pregnancy are laughable in the third trimester. Like, alright BabyCenter (or any other app you prefer). Whatever you say. I’ll be sure to steer clear of everything from deli ham to a full moon.

Someone could publish an entire rule book on pregnancy, but I’ll stick to the four that irritate me the most.

  1. Don’t dye your hair – So you’re telling me that every woman who works in a hair salon must take a 9-month hiatus from their career? The chemicals are supposed to be damaging, and I’m sure without the proper precautions, they could be. However, with proper ventilation and a quick skin sensitivity check, you’re free to dye your hair all colors of the rainbow.
  2. Don’t lift anything heavier than 20 pounds – The average toddler at one-year old weighs 20-23 pounds. That means that any mother with a toddler should spend 9 months saying, no sweetheart, I can’t carry you. Now, if you have a medical condition or high-risk pregnancy, this may be valid. For the rest of us, it’s not realistic. My toddler is 2 and a half years old, and I still haul her around all day long.
  3. Heat your deli meat – Gross. I will not stick my ham in the microwave before enjoying a delightful ham sandwich. Seriously, I have doubts about how healthy that is. I will eat my cold deli sandwich every single day and not feel guilty about it. I know and trust where my meat comes from, so I’ll continue to enjoy sandwiches of all types.
  4. Don’t consume caffeine – Before children, I didn’t need coffee. Now, I need coffee. Even if I must reheat that coffee three freaking times before I finish a single cup. There’re all sorts of bad news about coffee being related to ADHD and whatnot, but there are worse things I could be doing. Let a pregnant lady enjoy her coffee.

We’re already deprived of alcohol during pregnancy. There’s no reason to make it worse.