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Adult Children Parenting

When Raising Capable Adults, You Don’t Have to Follow All the “Rules”

Getting Real with Shadra Bruce

I’m not immune to other mom blogs. Quite a few of us roam in the same circles, and I enjoy hearing different views. It’s how we all become better parents, but it’s also the perfect breeding ground for insecurities. Regardless of how old your children are, you will second guess things you did ten years ago, yesterday, and parenting choices you’ll make ten years from now. There are many different types of mothers, and there are times I’m reminded that my views are polar opposites of others.

Nothing like reading an article and convincing myself that I’ve failed, right?

With my two youngest children having eyes focused on college, I’ve come into more articles about raising capable adults. Guess how many of those awesome tips about raising kids into adults I’ve used? None. Que the panic, because Parker is heading to college this fall.

Except, once the panic died down, I realized that all five of my kids are capable. Three of the five are adults that either been to college, the military, had careers, and are living independent lives. Kira is building a life of her own (despite still being under my roof) with a husband and what will be two children. They’re all alive, so I can’t be doing that bad of a job.

There are no hard and fast rules for raising capable adults.

If you’re still doing your teenager’s laundry, they will eventually figure it out in college. Perhaps you cook all the meals just out of ease and habit. Does that mean the second your children move out that they’ll starve? Absolutely not. They’ll find a way to make a meal, even if dinner is peanut butter and jelly until they make desperate calls to you for instructions on how to cook chicken nuggets. The internet has a lot of information, and maybe they will open a recipe tab instead of a YouTube one.

I’m convinced that a lot of learning how to adult is by being an adult. I can teach basic skills like laundry and cooking, but honestly, my kids can always learn that later. I would rather teach my kids other important lessons while they’re under my roof, that are even more important when raising capable adults.

Kindness.

Compassion.

Loyalty.

Perseverance.

Inner strength.

A sense of adventure.

Their own voice.

The importance of family.

Am I still running forgotten homework and lunches to my last high school student? Guilty. But I’ll leave it to her college professor to handle the next forgotten homework assignment. Let someone else teach simple, but necessary, lessons. I’ll stick to teaching love and kindness to my very capable adults, because honestly, everything else will sort itself out.