Getting Real with Kira Hazledine

Family can be wonderful. How lucky is it to be born into a loving group of people who, a bit crazy or otherwise, love you to pieces? But not everyone is so fortunate. Some people are born into webs of lies and hate, and no amount of “blood” and family ties can excuse their behavior. Sorry, not sorry, but I don’t care who you are. If you’re toxic, we’re done.

Genetic ties don’t equal family.

I have many family members that I don’t speak to, and haven’t spoken to in years. I don’t talk with some, simply because we never knew each other well and no relationship has been built. Others I have purposefully blocked on social media and would probably kick in the face if I saw them in person. While I’m open to forgiveness, how many times do you expect me to get burned and be ok with it?

Family isn’t an excuse.

I’ve heard many times that you don’t get to choose your family, and family members get an unlimited number of chances because their family. IDGAF. In my life, I do choose my family. My family consists of people, blood or not, that have proven over and over again that they love and support me. I don’t owe anyone anything, regardless of their status as being related to me. If you’re a jerk, I’m embarrassed to be related to you, and I will straight up pretend like you don’t exist. My true family is a blended network of relatives and friends that have demonstrated love and trust repeatedly, and that is what I need.

Ain’t nobody got time for that.

You can offer every guilt trip in the book, but I won’t buy it. I haven’t spoken to the woman who gave birth to me in almost 10 years, and I’m not sad about it. I did give her a million chances to prove that she could be a good person in my life, and it tanked every time. You know who got screwed over? Me. Every chance ended in pain, and one day, I decided I was done. I don’t have any memories of her that don’t include an apology of some sort for the previous mistake with the blame shifted elsewhere. She was not invited to my wedding, nor does she know anything about my daughter. Why would she? She’s a stranger, and not a person that supported or loved me in the way I needed her to.

Is that selfish? Sure. But this is my life, and I get to decide who’s in it. If someone is negative towards me, why would I want my daughter exposed to that? I could cross my fingers that they would treat her differently than the trash I’m used to, but I’m not willing to gamble. Trust me, I’m not depriving Hallie of anything. Hallie is surrounded by people who genuinely love her, and that’s all I want for her. As she gets older, she can decide for herself who she wants in her life, but for now, I’m the gatekeeper. Although I take it seriously when deciding to cut someone out of my life, I don’t second-guess once the decision is made. I’ve sacrificed myself too many times, and I’m done. For myself, and especially for my daughter. “Family” doesn’t buy you into my life, or hers, so you better earn it.