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Love Resolving Conflict

Why People Ask What I’ll Do if My Husband and I Separate

Next time you want to ask a question about something that is probably none of your business, consider what argument you’re about to get into.

Getting Real with Kira Hazledine

I’ve only been married once, so I don’t have the frame of reference for this question that I’ve gotten more frequently than I ever anticipated. I did marry a man from another country, and even I was not privy to all the ins and outs of an international marriage. People are curious, and I get that. But can we at least try to mind our business just a tiny bit?

This is the nosy question:

“What will you do with the kids if you guys get divorced?”

Alright. Hold on a bit.

Let’s just assume for a second that I don’t plan on divorcing my husband. Can we do that? Does anybody have a backup plan if they are in a domestic marriage?

“Ok, Brad, if I decide one day that I can’t stand you any more because you missed the hamper yet again, we will trade every other summer and holidays.”

I don’t think this conversation happens, but I’m only aware of what goes on in my own marriage. I just worry that if you feel like you need a backup plan there are other things to worry about, but that’s a discussion for another day.

Ok. Now let’s assume that I do plan on divorcing my husband, and now I need a backup plan. He’s a citizen of the UK and a legal resident of the US, I’m a citizen of the US, and our two kids are dual citizens. We would certainly be in a pickle if my husband and I decided that we could no longer live under the same roof.

Now, let me tell you. Those that ask this question usually get more than they bargained for. It depends on my mood. I could go the sassy route, but I usually go the political route. Aren’t intrusive questions fun?

My answer begins with this: we would do right by our children. Regardless of our choices, our children would never suffer for it and I hope that’s what every parenting relationship is built upon. Married or not, y’all are parents together and in it for the long haul.

Me doing right by my children means them living in the UK, with or without me.

I would do everything in my power to be in the UK with them, but I would also make the sacrifice of sending the children with their dad until I could get it figured out. It would absolutely break my heart to not have my children with me, but I also know I would never forgive myself if something preventable were to happen.

Health care in the UK is free. If my children were to get sick, and I pray to the powers that be that it never happens, they would not get the care they need in the US. That is a fact. My children would not have access to the best doctors because we don’t have the income. My family would be crippled by medical bills, where right across the ocean, my kids could have access to free health care without financial ruin.

Education is better and safer. The UK is known worldwide for their comprehensive education structure and I would be doing them a disservice by keeping them here where the most important part of the day is the Pledge of Allegiance. I can also send them to school knowing that they will be doing fire drills and not active shooter drills. There are no bullet-proof backpacks or cots being peddled by lobbyists. My children would be safe at school, which is exactly how it should be.

Ultimately, we have plans to move to the UK for these same reasons and many others. However, if my husband and I were to separate, I wouldn’t drag my children back to America. They have a right to a better life, and I’m sorry (not sorry) but given our current administration that life is not in the US.

Next time you want to ask a question about something that is probably none of your business, consider what argument you’re about to get into.

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