Getting Real with Kira Hazledine

I don’t put a lot of emphasis on the “new year, new me” mentality. I’m sure I’ll be the same delightful hot mess this year that I was last year. I’ve also made absolutely no promises on the motherhood front. I’m a damn good mom and I make no apologies for my parenting choices, successes, and mistakes. It’s all part of the ride and I wake up every morning vowing to be the best mom I can be for my kids. I don’t need a resolution to keep me on track.

Do you know what I don’t do? Consider myself. Almost daily I think that I’ll read one more story or do an extra craft or play more games. I think about the laundry and whether I should download some pre-k educational games on the kindle.

Never do I wake up promising myself that I’ll get to shower alone today and not with an infant or toddler. I never wake up swearing that I’ll set aside five quiet minutest to myself to just freaking breathe. I don’t give myself any slack for relaxing, even if it’s just scrolling on Facebook or catching up with a friend through text. I’m crucifying myself for not giving every second of my time to my children and never second-guessing that none of my time is my own.

So this year, I’m making a promise to myself. Call it a New Year’s resolution if you’d like, but I just need something that will stick. I need a reminder to wake up in the morning promising to be kinder to myself. I need to acknowledge that I’m not perfect, and the kids will survive even if they refuse to eat anything but goldfish for days and might have watched Disney movies on repeat for a few hours. I will forgive myself for losing my patience, but more importantly, I will congratulate myself for the hard job I do every day.

There are three humans (one being my husband) that rely on me every day, and I’m so busy looking at my failures I hardly notice my accomplishments. The two children are not just alive, they’re thriving, and thanks to me my husband has clean underwear to put on every day. I may not be able to find my keys, but I know how to locate every missing toy. I can soothe a screaming infant and sobbing toddler. I am the fixer of all emergencies, real or imagined. I am the ying to my husband’s yang. I practice patience when I have none and I lay awake while everyone else sleeps. I am doing a kick-ass job, and this year, I’m going to start patting myself on the back for it.

This year, I will put my needs on my never-ending to-do list. I will check off bath time for both kids and include a ten-minute shower for myself, by myself. I will schedule a coffee date with a friend while I’m scheduling doctor appointments, and I’ll remember to brush my hair when I’m brushing my daughter’s. My kids have what they need. The resolution is my own that is necessary, to care for myself like I care for everyone else.