Getting Real with Kira Hazledine

Children force at least a little bit of socialization. It’s good for them to make friends, and for our children to do that, it means we have to take them public places. The only real problem is that their moms are usually there, too. No surprise there. It gets worse when your child is friends with another whose mom is someone you would normally steer clear from.

I want to believe that my first attempts at friendships are genuine. I try to be inclusive and not judge other parents, because every child is different and this shit is hard. I want to give people the benefit of the doubt, especially if we are going to be running into each other at the playground regularly. It’s important to be able to play nice.

But, you know what? I don’t want to be friends just because our kids are. I’ll be polite because I’m a grown woman that’s trying to set a good example. And if this were any other setting, I would honestly tell you that I can’t stand you.


Your child has to be the best at everything. If my child must fail for your child to succeed, we have a problem. Humble bragging isn’t cute. Making everything a competition from first tooth to first step is annoying. Stop.

You let your child be a general nuisance to everyone around. Throwing toys and tantrums every second of every day. Purposefully picking battles with other children, and then sitting back casually as if it’s the most adorable thing and gee, kids will be kids, right? No. Teach your child to do better.

Your village has conditions. If I have to prescribe by certain beliefs, whether it’s religion or how I feed my child, we can’t be buddies, regardless how much my child may love yours. My mom village has no conditions, other than you not be an asshole (and that you vaccinate, because duh). Other than that, I’m pretty accepting of how you choose to keep your child alive.

Who doesn’t want to be friends with those around them? I’ve tried, I really have. But if the above statements apply to you, it’s you that’s the problem. You’re the reason we aren’t friends, and if our kids are still friends as they get older, we might have to break up with you officially. Your child will become the snotty person you are teaching them to be, and that will suck for my child.

No hurt feelings.