Pregnancy and Your Newborn

Overdue Pregnancy? Research Says Nothing Works to Induce

Getting Real with Kira Hazledine

There are a million articles about how to induce labor naturally, and I’ve already touched on the stupid ways you can harm yourself and your baby in the last trimester by trying to mess with nature. The sad, sad reality for women beyond 40 weeks pregnant is that baby will come when baby is ready. Or when the doctor forces the baby out through induction or C-section. Exciting times.

I get it, I really do. The desperation to go into labor when you’ve already been pregnant for 40 long weeks is so real. I even like being pregnant, and at 40 plus weeks (I’ve gone over with both children) I am super ready to be done. So I do what every expectant mother does and I google.

I do google with discrimination though, and I look beyond the anecdotes. There will always be the mom who swears that pineapples or scrubbing floors put her into labor, but there is no scientific evidence. These women would have likely gone into labor that day regardless, or whatever sex they had gently tipped them over the edge they were already standing on.

And then there’s women like me who are so far away from the finish line that no amount of natural induction techniques is going to do shit. There’s no being helped along when your unborn baby needs to be dragged from their comfy home, also known as your tired uterus.

Sex is not proven to induce labor. Bouncing on balls can relieve pain and help a baby descend, but it will not induce labor. Spicy food and bumpy roads will not induce labor. Evening primrose oil and red raspberry leaf tea will not induce labor.

If your baby is not ready to make their great escape, it’s just not going to happen. Sorry about your luck.

With my first child I did stress on it a bit and tried almost everything I could think of. I even had two membrane sweeps that did absolutely nothing to my body. It was only until my cervix was softened with medical interventions that my firstborn decided to make her appearance. With my second, I couldn’t even get a membrane sweep because my cervix was so high, and honestly, I didn’t try to hurry him along. I just couldn’t be bothered. I scheduled the induction and I went on with my day, because he was going to come, or he wasn’t.

And there wasn’t a damn thing I could do about it.

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What Not to Say to a Pregnant Woman Past Her Due Date

Getting Real with Kira Hazledine

I was induced with Hallie at 41 weeks, and those last few weeks were truly the slowest of my life. The discomfort is unreal, and I was just very eager to meet my little girl. But despite waking up every hour to pee and sharp kicks to the inside of my vagina, nothing could compare to the annoyance of comments from coworkers, strangers, and even friends. Here is what you should NOT say to a woman who is past her due date.

  • You still haven’t had that baby yet?  

Uhm, clearly not, since I’m still the size of a house. And here I am, having this stupid conversation with you.

  • You’re huge! Are you sure you’re not in labor?

Now that you ask, I can’t decide if labor would be more painful than this question. So, no, I’m not sure.

  • You’re so small! You can’t possibly be overdue!

Charting has been pretty on point, and although your concern is appreciated, I’m going to go with the advice from the one with the medical degree.

  • Go for walks! That will encourage labor.

Thanks Carol, but I know how Google works too. I’ve tried it all, and no it’s not helping.

  • Have sex! I’m sure that would help your husband too *wink.

Thanks for your inappropriate suggestion, except I’m not a prude like you, Susan.

  • Play with your nipples! That will make you have contractions.

Wtf? First, that’s creepy. Second, do you even know me beyond the pregnant coworker. We usually don’t talk, and you’re just being nosy and weird. Third, that’s medically advised against, so don’t tell people that.

  • You look uncomfortable.

Wow! A+ for you today, you genius.

  • Are you even dilated?

If you’re asking about whether my vagina has expanded yet, the answer is no.

  • Have you lost your mucous plug?

Since you’re still asking intimate questions about my cervix and other anatomy, the answer is still no.

  • You know, you’re not supposed to wear that to work.

Listen, we are very lucky that I’m still here. So be quiet, and mind your business. My work is distracting me from the fact that I’m still pregnant, and I need to focus. Leggings are the only thing I can still wear, so count your blessings I’m not in pajamas.

  • Why don’t you go home! Take your maternity leave early!

This is America, and y’all aren’t paying me to sit at home. I’ll only be on maternity leave for a minimum amount of time since I have bills to pay and this country sucks. So yes, I’m still going to come to work, in a pleasant mood even, if you stop bothering me.

I was lucky to have a very wonderful pregnancy, and I didn’t have any issues about being at work up until I delivered. I just got very tired of questions that were past my boundaries, especially at work. I didn’t always respond with sass, but my filter at 41 weeks wasn’t fantastic. Don’t test a pregnant woman, especially one that is overdue. If you want to play it safe, just tell her she looks beautiful and move along.