Getting Real With Lisa Van De Graaff
I’m on a journey. I’m searching the nooks and crannies of my inner self to find where I’ve misplaced my sensuality. I’ve been taking many paths that lead nowhere. Things that haven’t helped: eating sweets until I feel sick, spending money I don’t have on things I don’t need, whining to my husband and friends, reading self-help books, and ignoring the problem. So I’m calling upon my project management skills to give me structure as I try some things with more promise. I’ve broken Project Sensuality into categories based first on my senses – touch is the first sense I’ve begun to explore…
I’m a Massage Therapist, and one of the things that defines my work (and the kind of bodywork I like to receive), is complete acceptance. I unconditionally accept my client as she or he is right now. I try to think of previous sessions only insofar as I need to remember health conditions and preferences, and I don’t have an agenda for trying to fix or heal anything. I am simply present in the moment, aware of what the body tells me it needs in its patterns of tension and strain and reaction to pressure. Providing this kind of bodywork feeds my soul, and receiving this kind of bodywork allows me to relax absolutely and to heal myself.
I’ve realized that this kind of unconditional acceptance is something that I can give to myself. Each day as I apply my lotion, I do so as if I were giving myself a massage. I look at the perfection of me, right now, and knead my muscles as I work the moisture into my skin. I’m applying lotion anyway, and doing it with intention has already begun to change my perception of myself (and make my skin so very soft).
This week, I’ve taken this a step further and started talking to my body. I tell my legs how much I appreciate them for being so strong and always carrying me forward. I thank my belly for being there to protect me when I couldn’t deal with some emotion and therefore ate my way through it (and while I am grateful, there will come a time when I must let go of this layer of safety and face those demons). Ah, my breasts, how your pendulous swing becomes more prominent with each passing year – I love you, and I thank you for feeding my baby. You get the idea.
There is so much more work to do, but this is most definitely a baby step in the right direction!
