Getting Real with Kira Hazledine
Child #2 is a real game-changer. I don’t think any amount of mommy blogs can fully prepare a mom for two kids, but you get the hang of it eventually. However, what I noticed that suffered most was not anything I worried about before the second baby arrived. I was so worried about having time for 2 kids that I didn’t consider my relationship with the person that was there before the kids.
Although I go into it assuming that the kids will dominate most of our time, the reality of that is still a shock. You don’t realize how little time exists that doesn’t involve children. Suddenly the number of children equal the number of adults, and you might even be outnumbered. Time for adults doesn’t exist, at least for a few weeks. It’s about survival as the household adjusts.
Then the dust settles and you enter a new routine, but does that routine include time for your partner? If it doesn’t, it should. Your relationship existed before kids, and the goal is to have it continue after the kids are grown. Every relationship takes continuous effort, regardless of what else is going on. Here are some ways to reconnect:
Go on a date.
If you have access to a babysitter, take advantage. Even if it’s only once every couple months, it’s good to remind yourself what life with your partner was like before children. Sure, you’ll spend most of your time talking about the kids, but you’ll also get to enjoy time a meal without worrying about other patrons getting hit by flying french fries.
If you can’t get a babysitter, make a date for yourself at home, even if it means staying up a little late. Tuck the kids in bed, order yourself a pizza, and cuddle up with a favorite movie. The idea is just to set aside time.
Reconnecting also means acknowledging when your partner is at their max. Offering to watch the kids so they can take a shower or read a book alone for a bit means so much and shows that you’re paying attention.
Leave little notes around or pick up their favorite snack from the store. Make their favorite meal or do breakfast in bed. Random acts show your partner that you’re still thinking of them, even though things are a bit crazy.
Remember you’re in this together.
Parenting is the hardest thing I’ve ever done, and it would feel impossible without my partner. But unless we are connecting as people, we can’t connect as parents. I know we bicker less when we feel like we’ve got each other’s backs.