Getting Real with Kira Hazledine

I was induced with Hallie at 41 weeks, and those last few weeks were truly the slowest of my life. The discomfort is unreal, and I was just very eager to meet my little girl. But despite waking up every hour to pee and sharp kicks to the inside of my vagina, nothing could compare to the annoyance of comments from coworkers, strangers, and even friends. Here is what you should NOT say to a woman who is past her due date.

  • You still haven’t had that baby yet?  

Uhm, clearly not, since I’m still the size of a house. And here I am, having this stupid conversation with you.

  • You’re huge! Are you sure you’re not in labor?

Now that you ask, I can’t decide if labor would be more painful than this question. So, no, I’m not sure.

  • You’re so small! You can’t possibly be overdue!

Charting has been pretty on point, and although your concern is appreciated, I’m going to go with the advice from the one with the medical degree.

  • Go for walks! That will encourage labor.

Thanks Carol, but I know how Google works too. I’ve tried it all, and no it’s not helping.

  • Have sex! I’m sure that would help your husband too *wink.

Thanks for your inappropriate suggestion, except I’m not a prude like you, Susan.

  • Play with your nipples! That will make you have contractions.

Wtf? First, that’s creepy. Second, do you even know me beyond the pregnant coworker. We usually don’t talk, and you’re just being nosy and weird. Third, that’s medically advised against, so don’t tell people that.

  • You look uncomfortable.

Wow! A+ for you today, you genius.

  • Are you even dilated?

If you’re asking about whether my vagina has expanded yet, the answer is no.

  • Have you lost your mucous plug?

Since you’re still asking intimate questions about my cervix and other anatomy, the answer is still no.

  • You know, you’re not supposed to wear that to work.

Listen, we are very lucky that I’m still here. So be quiet, and mind your business. My work is distracting me from the fact that I’m still pregnant, and I need to focus. Leggings are the only thing I can still wear, so count your blessings I’m not in pajamas.

  • Why don’t you go home! Take your maternity leave early!

This is America, and y’all aren’t paying me to sit at home. I’ll only be on maternity leave for a minimum amount of time since I have bills to pay and this country sucks. So yes, I’m still going to come to work, in a pleasant mood even, if you stop bothering me.

I was lucky to have a very wonderful pregnancy, and I didn’t have any issues about being at work up until I delivered. I just got very tired of questions that were past my boundaries, especially at work. I didn’t always respond with sass, but my filter at 41 weeks wasn’t fantastic. Don’t test a pregnant woman, especially one that is overdue. If you want to play it safe, just tell her she looks beautiful and move along.