Getting Real with Kira Hazledine
“Cheating” is a subjective concept depending on the couple. Casual flirting could be the norm for some relationships, when in others, it could be a deal-breaker. Yet here we are, with another form of infidelity that is hitting the radar of relationship experts: micro-cheating. It’s the new gateway drug, apparently. Just like a bit of pot will have you on the road to heroin, taking minor interest in another person other than your partner is the road to full-blown infidelity.
What a bunch of bull shit.
Where did we get it in our heads that a committed relationship demanded that we restrict ourselves to one person and one person only for all our needs? How exhausting for everyone involved. One person cannot possibly fulfill every single piece of you, and while that idea is romantic, it’s not realistic.
Don’t get me wrong. My husband completes me. He is my other half and the balance that I desperately need. I don’t know how I would live without him at this point, because life is so great with him in it. However, the man does not want to go shopping with me. I do not want to go golfing with him. We have separate interests that require the presence of separate people to fulfill us as individuals.
Let’s circle back to micro-cheating, because I can already hear the objections as to how platonic friendships stop being platonic as soon as emotions get involved.
Humans are emotional people. If my husband was looking at some other person and considering how great it would be to be married to them, yeah, I would have a few questions. At the same time, my husband does have relationships with other women where there is a deep emotional connection. Women that have been in his life long before me, and there is more than platonic attachment. It doesn’t equal romantic attachment. These women are not a threat. They simply hold a special place in his heart, and he is fond of them. It’s completely normal.
If micro-cheating exists, we are all guilty of it. Every one of us has blushed when a stranger flirted. What should we have done, react with complete disgust and curse them for the compliment? We’ve all worn a certain dress or shirt more than others because someone told us how great we looked. Apparently, if you dress to impress anyone but your significant other, you’re a micro-cheater.
I scrolled across an article the other day that suggested micro-cheating was telling your partner that you had a business meeting and instead were at lunch with a friend. Micro-cheating is changing someone’s name in your phone because you don’t want your significant other to know you’re texting Brad all night instead of Jessica.
Now, we could argue all day over whether those things are cheating or not, but there’s still a problem. That, my friends, is what we call a lie. In case you’ve forgotten, lying is generally considered to be a no-no in relationships. So in that situation, you’ve got way more problems than micro-cheating.
I don’t buy in to micro-cheating. Dedication to your partner does not mean you can’t be emotionally connected to someone else. I love all my friends dearly, but none could replace my husband. Different things will constitute cheating in the eyes of different couples, which is why communication is so important. But there are no tiers to cheating. Boundaries are important, and so is comfort and compatibility. Decide for yourselves but understand there is no “gateway” to cheating. You’re either committed or you’re not, and that has nothing to do with other people.