They say the first day of daycare is the hardest.

“They” lied.

It’s week three here with daycare, and it is still so heart-wrenching leaving her every morning. Trust me, my husband and I took months to find the perfect daycare, and honestly, it’s hard to find a place even with an infant opening. Our baby goes to a very nice daycare, and everyone there is very friendly.

That first day was the hardest day so far in life.

Having to hand over my baby to a stranger to watch for more than two hours was not my cup of tea. I cried as I walked out the door, and that was after the ten thousand kisses that I had given her. She was screaming at the top of her lungs, and like any mom, it tore my heart apart. I was also that mom that sat in the parking lot crying as I was watching her through the window.

That day, it seemed like work would never end.

3 Weeks Later, Leaving My Child at Daycare Is Just as Hard

Fast-forward three weeks. It’s still hard, even if she isn’t screaming when I drop her off. She loves her daycare lady and smiles when she sees her some mornings. It makes me happy that she enjoys who I am leaving her with, but I also still fear that she will at her more as a mom than me because she sees her more. I still sit in the parking lot like a creeper, watching through the window as she smiles as they play peek-a-boo. As much as it kills me on the inside, it’s so nice to see her playing games. Work still seems like it takes forever to end, even on busy days. I constantly wonder what she is learning, and and if she misses me like I miss her. I dread the day she learns to roll over and I am not there to witness it first. The smiles that I get occasionally when I pick her up melt my heart and make up for it in the end.

Daycare has been amazing in ways too. I know they have a wonderful schedule for her that we made together. That has made the nights easier for us as a family. Some nights she sleeps the whole night through, while other nights she just wants to hang out and play with us. I know as she gets older, I’ll still be that creeper of a mom who watches through the window for two minutes before leaving for work. I know that she is in great hands and that they love her so much.

Leaving my child at daycare is beyond hard, but to everyone who said the first day is hardest, “they” can put a sock in it.