Getting Real with Tammy Torres

Why is it so hard to admit when we do something people don’t like or misunderstand in our society? Have we built ourselves up so much that we can’t even admit to ourselves or others there might another solution?

I never realized how much time I spent trying to take care of the world around me with my “my” way attitude.

Bulldozing got things done, but how many moments have I missed because of it? Some of my strengths turned to weaknesses because of what I have been taught, followed or made up myself.

Being creative taught me how to come up with quick solutions for answers, projects, etc. Where they right? I don’t know but stuff got finished.

Being loyal got me jobs…but how many of those were longtime commitments without growth?

Taking medication covered feelings and emotional pain, but how much time did I waste not facing my realities?

Living this way led me to three escapes: Food, cleaning and writing!

Where did that get me? Medicated, in counseling and fckd-up! Talking to my Physical Therapist, he says we spend our 40s and 50s trying to figure out what we did to our minds and bodies in our 20s and 30s as we transition from our grown families and head towards retirement.

I ain’t got no time for that as I am heading toward the top of the hill and 50! I need to make time, as I am running out of it! I need to live for me. I don’t want to be part of the fun suckers club anymore.

Deciding to rip band-aids off my wounds of life was one of my best choices I made this year.

This morning my husband and I had a conversation about my way…Was it right or wrong? I can be pretty defensive about my thoughts and opinions, because I was told most of my life I was right when there was other ways of doing things, but people didn’t stop me as they depended on me to get shit done. Was that right or wrong? Who knows or cares at this point in life?

For me, it goes back to, do we fight to win or do we fight to understand someone else’s way of seeing or doing things? I thought I did it to understand but I don’t think that so much today. I have always fought to be a winner in life.

Today, I start to fight to understand.

This part of my life and year has come full circle on a self-discovery journey, getting back to the basics of being a good human – being rewarded with myself by standing, speaking my thoughts. It’s time to be the Executive of my life.