Editor’s note: It is with the deepest honor that my dear friend and fellow soul explorer, Chris Wilcox, will be sharing her journey with us. Check back each week for more. You will be able to find all of her posts under “Chris Crossing”
View from the Dragonfly’s Back
MomsGetReal Soulfeeder Chris Wilcox
It’s January 20, 2013 as I write this, and I’ve just done my list of things from 2012 that I am grateful for learning, having, knowing and being able to let go of (yes, I’m a little late, but am proud of myself for doing it nonetheless). Last December, like I do every year, I looked to the coming of 2013 as the opportunity to make life-affirming changes, so I spent some time looking at what I wanted to bring into my life. I didn’t write them out as goals because that felt like skirting the realness of them. They’re not goals – they’re choices.
Goals, to me, are airy-fairy because we’re so overloaded with the language about them. It’s just words and it’s our choice to give them power. When I think with my whole being – my heart and my head – it often leads to pleasant surprises. And also knowing myself, making those choices an active part of my life is something that I know I’ll do better when I can sit down and talk with my girlfriends about them. So, taking a clue from the words above, I’m going to make new choices, and I’m going to go write through it.
My struggles are not unique. Food? I’ve used it to anaesthetize emotions. Balanced health? I dove into work, rationalizing that my time rushing off to work was a better choice than taking 15 minutes to dance or walk. Relationships? Well, when you’re anaesthetizing yourself with food and working like a maniac, who has time for relationships? Changing any one of those things could be difficult in any given year, but this year, I’ve shown Excuse the door, and I’ve decided to embrace Choice as the sole instrument of change.
This year is going to be immensely challenging for me. Professionally, it’s probably going to be the busiest of my life with changes at work. Personally, at some point I’ll have to leave the life I had set out to build in a new town a mere 13 months ago to go back to the one I left – and try to see all of it with new eyes (see previous sentence about “Professionally”). My work has always felt solid even when the rest of my life seemed chaotic, and I’ve always used it as a way to rationalize my way out of living my personal life. No more.
2013 will be my life in “heart-forward” mode, more vividly real, one where I am more present, doing in my job with the passion that I have on my best days every day, and one where I place each step I take with intent and love.
So my choices are simple. I am choosing to let go of the 80 or so pounds of emotional, workaholic baggage that I carry on my six-foot frame. I choose foods that build the reality that I want rather than those that trap me in past decisions. And I choose activities that will help me regain my balance in all those areas. What do those choices entail? Changing the tape that plays in my head to one with a supportive voice. Committing to my meditation practice. Reconnecting with food in a way that doesn’t make me go insane (I LOVE comfort food so it will be a challenge). Learning the things that I want to learn and growing in the ways that I want to grow.
I’m not going to beat myself up if I have a day where I choose differently, and I’m going to enjoy the process and whatever it brings.
What choices are you making this year to make it yours?