Getting Real with Kira Hazledine

I have the biggest issue with Elf on the Shelf. Haven’t any of you ever watched Fred Claus?! Every kid deserves a present on Christmas, naughty or nice. It’s a holiday of giving and unconditional love and Elf on the Shelf is anything but unconditional. It’s a shit-ton of work for the parents and it’s super creepy towards children. It also teaches all the wrong lessons to kids. Maybe I’m being extra, but Elf on the Shelf will never appear in my house.

First of all, I’m busy.

Between everything else I need to get done in a day, I’m not going to spend my time hiding an elf in a new spot every day. I’m not creative, I’m very lazy, and I have so many things on my to-do list that a creepy stuffed elf is not a priority. I’d rather spend my time doing other special things for my children, such as creating a holiday scavenger hunt in the house, baking Christmas cookies, or watching Rudolph and Frosty. This is all aside from the regular activities that must continue despite the holidays. I have work to do, people.

I want my kids to behave when no one is looking.

Why should my children only behave because a creepy doll is watching them? It creates this weird mentality that the Elf on the Shelf will “tattle” if they’ve been bad and reinforces that you are only going to get a present if you’re good. As a child who always struggled with “being good” despite being pretty well-behaved, this would have crushed my self-esteem and hiked my anxiety. I want my kids to learn the spirit of kindness and giving, and that we do the right thing simply because it is the right thing; not because someone is watching.

The last thing I need is a prankster.

The Elf on the Shelf is also known to be mischievous. It’s not some polite doll that sits quietly in your home. Nope. It creates messes. It “pranks” those in your household. You know what? I have enough messes. I have kids and a husband that need zero help making messes. And unless they make a Hobbit in the Closet that cleans up after the little shit, I’m not interested.

My toddler is really looking forward to the holiday season, which is a huge improvement from last year’s distaste for Santa. Don’t get me wrong, I’m excited too. I love this time of year. But my household is going to pass on Elf on the Shelf.