Getting Real with Kira Hazledine

Halloween is for all ages, right? That’s what everyone says. But apparently, according to sanctimonious buttheads, trick-or-treating is only for young children. Who decided that? Where is that rule written? Personally, I’ve never seen a manual for the rules of trick-or-treating. Yes, I understand labeling parties and events for certain ages, but that’s where it should stop. I’d rather see teens trick-or-treating than doing who knows what else on Halloween night.

Refusing candy can cause real damage.

There is no reason why teens shouldn’t be given candy at the same discretion as little kids. Refusing to give candy can also really hurt those kids who are just a bit tall for their age or look older than they are. Unless you’re asking every child, who comes to the door how old they are, you risk making a child feel self-conscious and damaging their self-esteem. Not only are they potentially navigating puberty earlier than their friends, but now they must deal with an asshole like you refusing to hand over the chocolate bar.

There aren’t many alternatives for teens.

Some towns or schools may offer a Halloween party or dance for the older kids, but many don’t. They are either stuck at home handing out candy to younger kids or left to their own devices. This could range from some relatively harmless wandering (but what could really come of wandering) to toilet paper and eggs flying all over the neighborhood.

Let kids be kids.

If kids want to trick-or-treat up until they are college graduates, let it happen. I’d much rather a child be wolfing down packets of m&ms than chugging cans of cheap beer. Some kids aren’t even allowed to trick-or-treat at a young age, leaving their teen years the only opportunity that they’ll ever have. It’s a nostalgic experience, which is why many parents take their own kids every year. It’s supposed to be fun, so don’t be a witch.

Don’t be the asshole that robs kids of a fun and safe night out. It’s just candy. If you have such a problem with it, leave your damn porch light off and let the rest of us enjoy our Halloween. And I hope your house gets egged by the kids you refuse to give candy too. Sorry, not sorry.