Dear Santa,

I’m writing to you on behalf of my toddler. At 1 and a half, she hasn’t quite discovered the spirit of Christmas. Who can blame her? She loves the pretty decorations, and hellooo, wrapping paper and boxes are super exciting! It doesn’t even matter what’s inside. My toddler could play with the many boxes that have arrived on my porch for hours.

Unfortunately, Santa, I have to tell you. My toddler hates you. She cried hysterically as an infant when I placed her in your lap, and a year later, she’s still not a fan.

Honestly, it’s probably good parenting that my toddler hates you, Santa. If we take you out of context, you’re just an unshaven, large man, laughing at who knows what. Not only do you want my child, and many others, to sit on your lap, but you want them to share secrets and candy with you. Outside of the holidays, my jolly friend, you sound pretty creepy. And since my toddler has no concept of the current holiday, you’re just the creep in a red suit.

In her defense, she has been well-behaved this year. At least for a toddler. She throws much less than she used to, and now she at least says sorry after she hits or bites. My toddler is also really good at tackling, which she does out of love. I think. And if she could understand a little better, she would really love your reindeer. My toddler is super interested in animals at the minute, so we are halfway there?

Hopefully next year will be better. I won’t make any promises about inviting one of your elves into my home. Scratch that, I’ll go ahead and let you know not to send one. Elf on the Shelf is not welcome here, but Santa, once my toddler stops hating you, you will be more than welcome. In the meantime, please leave all requested packages at the door. It’s best that she not see you, because she is not interested in the least. I wouldn’t want you to be offended, and we don’t have a chimney anyway.

Your understanding of this matter is much appreciated. Next year, perhaps we will get a smiling picture with my toddler in your lap, but something tells me it’s going to take some magic to convince her. I’ll see what I can do between now and then, and hopefully we can get the hateful feelings down to a mild disinterest. Am I promising love for you next year? Sorry, I can’t do that. My toddler is an independent lady. Maybe you should invite Mrs. Claus next year! My toddler would probably like her better.

It’s not you, Santa. It’s my toddler. At this age, differentiating between “good” and “bad” strangers is just so tough. I hope you have a Merry Christmas, and I’ll do the same, as I try to avoid every Santa we see as my toddler glares suspiciously in your direction.


Kira and Hallie