Getting Real with Kira Hazledine
I love seeing other moms lift each other up. A sympathetic glance or a nice comment like, “you’re doing awesome.” Mom shaming is rampant, and I want more than anything for everyone to be more accepting of the way everyone parents differently. Except non-vaxxers. Sorry, not sorry. Don’t be a douchebag and try to convince me that herd immunity isn’t real or that my kid will get autism.
Anyhoo.
At the same time, I don’t want someone (friend or stranger) to tell me how beautiful I am when I haven’t showered in three days. I don’t want someone to tell me I’m doing a good job when, really, it hasn’t been my best parenting day. We all make mistakes and wish that we could start the day over. So if I’m clearly having a rough day and my toddler has made me cry (for possibly the fifth time), this is what I need from you.
Remind me that parenting is so freaking hard.
It really is. Parenting is something that you could never be prepared for, and every time you think you have it down, your kid throws a wrench into the system and changes it up. Or you get tricked into having another, because we are suckers.
Tell me that I make sweatpants look awesome.
If you see me in jeans, it means I haven’t done laundry in a REALLY long time, or that my child has somehow destroyed all my leggings and sweatpants. It also probably means I’m having a bad day, because I avoid jeans at all costs. Even if you can’t compliment the sweatpants, compliment the confidence to step out of the house looking like a hot mess. Trust me, you won’t get an opportunity to compliment any other outfit of mine. I don’t wear much else.
Tell me that you’ve been where I am.
It doesn’t last forever, and I know this. But hearing that other moms have stood exactly where I’m standing, in a puddle of mom and toddler tears, makes me feel a hundred times better. There’s so much pressure to have it all together, but those expectations aren’t realistic.
Admit that kids are assholes.
Because they are. My daughter is my karma, one-hundred-percent, and she purposefully tests me. Oh, mommy said no? I didn’t quite hear that. Mommy asked me nicely? IDGAF. My toddler looks at me like she couldn’t care less. She rolls her eyes like a teenager! Pushing boundaries is totally normal, but I can still think it’s annoying AF.
Moms don’t always need to be told that they are beautiful creatures doing wonderful things for their children. Trust me, I know. I work my butt off to keep this tiny human alive, and I’m exhausted. I don’t give a crap if during that I’m still beautiful. Fantastic, but beauty won’t get my child to sleep any faster.
I need to hear that motherhood is hard. I need to hear that I have support, regardless of how I choose to parent. I need to hear that I am not the only one struggling. Those are the words that will help me on a bad day, and those are the words that will help remind me of the good days. And at the end of each day, I can remember that I love being a mom.
