Getting Real with Kira Hazledine
Regardless of what type of mom you are (work-at-home, stay-at-home, out-of-home, whatever) we all know the struggles of a long day. You get to the end of it, and sometimes you’re just frazzled. You can’t stand the thought of another person making demands of you, and then you meet up with your spouse. What in the world could they possibly want now? Your attention? Your patience? Please, your kids used all of that up hours ago.
Negativity is Contagious
So this is what happens. You hit each other with the negativity from the day. One or both of you barely gets through the day before someone has something negative to say, if you’re lucky to hear a simple “hello” over the screaming children. You complain about this bill, or this sick kid, or this amount of homework, or the housework, or the dinner. There’s always something to complain about, and who can blame us. It’s been a long day.
Unfortunately, this sort of attitude doesn’t get us anywhere. It’s not helpful, and can create a harmful cycle of negativity. Yes, we are all allowed to complain, but let me tell you what I’ve learned.
Full Stop Please
Louis and I were in a similar rut, just a few weeks ago. Seems like all we did was argue (or have “discussions” as I like to call them). There was so much tension, and we couldn’t go a single day without being irritated at one another. I honestly couldn’t tell you where it started, I just know that it existed. And I was tired. I already have one irritable toddler, and I really don’t need an irritable husband. Or an irritable self. I can be pretty sassy.
I finally put things to a full stop. I asked Louis if we could really listen to each other’s concerns, rather than make passive aggressive comments or short references to issues in a busy moment. I asked to have a real conversation, and asked for both of us to make some changes. The major change? No negativity one hour before and one hour after work.
Positivity is Healing
This meant that there was no complaining about Hallie being a shit all night long in the morning. There was no complaining about the day ahead and the challenges we hadn’t even tackled yet. We had a lot more time for how cute Hallie was, even though she dominated our bed all night. We had moments to laugh together as Hallie helped Louis get out the door in the morning.
This also meant that there was no complaining the second Louis walked through the door, about what a tough time Hallie had given me or whatever crap Louis dealt with at work. There was no time for the grievances of tomorrow and how we would inevitably be doing it all over again. Instead, there was more time for being grateful to be together again, and talking about the good things that have happened. Even a bad day has a silver lining. We got to highlight what we had enjoyed, even within stress.
Of course, we aren’t perfect with this change, but the very first day it made such a difference. We were simply happy to be in each other’s presence, and we weren’t bickering over stupid stuff. We still bicker for fun, but that’s just us. We chose to be positive in certain hours of the day, and it affected our whole outlook. Yeah, we still talk about what’s been crappy, but it doesn’t set the tone. We fight less, love more, and that’s all I want out of my marriage. It may have been forced positivity at first, but a few weeks later the positive vibes are still flowing.
What could this slight change do for your household?