Getting Real with Kira Hazledine

Doritos are one of my toddler’s favorite snacks. They are also one of my husband’s favorite snacks, which means that my toddler has access to them more than I would typically allow. It’s great that my husband wants to spoil his daughter a bit and I’m thrilled they have a snack to bond over. At one point in time, I might have cared that her cheesy handprints now cover most of what we own.

  1. I have two children now. One being a toddler and the other being a newborn. That’s honestly everything you need to know.
  2. My husband likes to hand my toddler random snacks, with complete disregard for cheesy handprints or dinner time.
  3. Most baby items are white or pale colored. I don’t understand. How am I supposed to keep white things clean with a toddler around?
  4. I only have so many hands. If I’m holding the baby, it’s pretty tough to put the baby safely down, grab the wipes, and chase down the toddler in time to prevent Dorito handprints.
  5. “Don’t touch that” is apparently the same as “yes, please put your hands all over the white bassinet.”
  6. “Don’t touch anything” is apparently a challenge to touch as many things as possible in the time it takes to tackle the toddler.
  7. I don’t have time for more laundry. Hence the stains. Sure, if I attacked the bassinet or the bobby or the white bear with bleach or whatever other cleaning agent in a timely fashion, I’m sure the Dorito handprints would come out. But I don’t have time for more laundry. Last week’s laundry is still on the floor. So.
  8. I don’t have the energy to care about trivial things like Dorito handprints. I have other things to worry about. Just grab me a wipe and let’s move on.