Getting Real with Kira Hazledine
Motherhood is always full of unsolicited opinions and questions, many of which are so cringe-worthy that I’m shocked for the one speaking. Someone has to be, since some people clearly have no filter and will say whatever comes to their heads. I’ve definitely heard the questions, but what’s more important are the answers we moms need to start throwing at idiots. Let your sarcasm flag fly high with responses like these, because screw being polite.
The stupid question:
“Are all those kids yours?” Why. Why would anyone have the balls to ask this, particularly of mixed-race children?
The witty reply:
“No, actually, I rented them. I had a coupon, so I was able to get two for the price of three for the afternoon.”
The stupid question:
“OMG! You must be pregnant! How far along are you?” No. People shouldn’t ever comment on a woman’s body. She could be 9 months pregnant and it’s still a no.
The witty reply:
“Actually, this is a tumor that doctors are stumped about. Go swimming in the Amazon river one time, right?”
The stupid question:
“When do you plan on having another?” Some people are one and done and others really aren’t ready, but none of it is anyone’s business.
The witty reply:
“Well, the plan is to see whether this one passes some IQ tests. If we aren’t happy with the scores we’ll toss the baby out with the bath water and try again.”
The stupid question:
“You’re a stay-at-home mom, wow. What do you do all day?” This one comes with a bonus twist. “You’re a working mom, wow. How do you balance career and family?”
The witty reply:
“Yes, it’s pretty magical that I can pop a baby out of my vagina and still remain an individual person with responsibilities and desires outside of motherhood. Who knew?”
You may not be able to slap with your hands, but you can slap with your words. Don’t hold back. Motherhood comes with enough sacrifices, and I barely have patience for my own family these days. I certainly do not have patience for idiotic comments.
