Getting Real with Kira Hazledine
Motherhood is no joke. You will say and do things that your younger self would have been horrified with, and you won’t even blink an eye. You will have days that will make you question all your life choices, despite the love for your rambunctious children, which is why mom friends are so important. They say it takes a village to raise a child, but really, it takes a village to keep moms sane.
As wonderful as non-mom friends are, there are just things they don’t understand. At least not yet. But you can’t text them at 3am because the baby is up gnawing at your nipples for the millionth time, because they’re either sleeping (the bastards) or they’re drunk (why else would any non-parent be awake at 3am?). Moms need mom friends, for these reasons and many others.
- You need to know you haven’t lost your mind.
Kids are insane. It’s not just you. You’ll turn your back for all of ten seconds and your kid will have flushed their favorite toy down the toilet, broken an iPad, or gave the family pet a haircut. You’ll repeat “don’t lick that” more times than you can count, and you’ll spend time more time cleaning up bodily fluids than you ever thought possible.
- There are things you can’t say to non-parents.
Until you’ve been in the thick of motherhood, you can’t understand it. I don’t care whether you’ve got a million nieces and nephews, or if you’re a nanny, or if you live with a baby sibling. If that child is not your responsibility 24/7, you just don’t get it. And by “it”, I mean the shit-show that parenting is. Non-parents will judge you for wanting to skip town for a few days, but mom friends will understand completely.
- “Tired” doesn’t even began to cover it.
I can’t help but want to punch non-parents in the face when they say they’re tired. I’m sure they think they’re tired. I know I thought I was tired as a college student when I had stayed up all night and had to attend an 8am class. Now I know what real tired is. Real tired is one child staying up late for no reason and the other child tagging in either in the middle of the night or at the crack of dawn. And then still having to keep said children alive during the day.
- Moms need a village, too.
Moms need a group of non-shaming, supportive people that get it. That understand that sometimes you do have to bribe your child with a sip of iced coffee so that they will get their damn shoes on. That will comfort your crying baby while you handle the toddler tantrum, or GASP, go pee by yourself. A village is important for the children in your community, but it’s critical for moms.
I do treasure my non-mom friends, but I can’t ask them frantic questions about baby poop. I can’t call them crying because my toddler won’t stop throwing french fries at me. My non-mom friends are important for when I need to not think about my kids, but I need my mom friends in desperate moments because my kids are ALWAYS around. If you don’t have a village, check out your local resources like the library to find some. You will need them.