Getting Real with Kira Hazledine

You hear all about the acne and weird hair growth in random places. Everyone tells you “what to expect” as far as the linea nigra (you know, that cute line from pelvic area to belly button?) and weight gain. You even get whispers of gross vaginal discharge, extra saliva production, and sore nipples that could randomly leak well before the birth of your child. But as I’ve mentioned before about other parts of motherhood (like the postpartum experience) they don’t tell you everything. And it’s an absolute crime! We deserve to know we aren’t freaks. It’s called pregnancy, and here are 4 weird discomforts you don’t really hear about.

  1. Lightning crotch – This one you can google my friends, and you’ll get quite a few answers and stories. I experience this a ton with my first, and I’m already getting a taste of this with my second. All it means is that your darling little angel is sticking a foot, hand, head, elbow, or knee into your pelvic region as they bounce around. The result is a sharp, shooting pain in your vagina, delivered straight from the source.


  1. Lightning butt – Ok, I might have made this term up. But a quick google search showed this term in forums as well, so I’m not alone! The same joyful jab that you feel in your vagina gets felt in your butthole. One of my biggest pregnancy fears is hemorrhoids (idk why) so I was terrified when I started feeling this in the first trimester with my current pregnancy. I even called the nurses, desperate to have answers as to why my butthole hurt. And you should have seen the poor resident who landed in my room that appointment day, asking if I had any concerns. No, lightning butt is not a concern. Those jabbing sensations in the rectal region are either muscles stretching in weird places or your baby messing with you.


  1. Incontinence – You hear a lot about needing the bathroom more, but recommendations to always have a spare outfit are nowhere to be found. The wrong sneeze will break the dam, and I’ll be left with wet pants. Try being pregnant through allergy season and see if you can get away with not wearing panty liners. It’s a good time.


  1. Chafing – I gain weight mostly in my belly, and I do consider myself lucky. Of course, my thighs are never spared a few extra pounds and pregnancy is no exception. Chafing is a real problem! Apparently, they make maternity items for this exact problem, and with summer beating down, I may have to invest in something underneath my dresses. Vaseline will only get me so far.

I definitely get a kick out of pregnancy and try to take the most lighthearted approach. My children are lucky that I have a good sense of humor.