Getting Real With Shadra Bruce

MomsGetReal Romance Series

Whether you and your partner are just getting started or you’ve married for 20 years, there are certain things that you can do to keep intimacy alive in your relationship. Disclaimer: I do not believe that doing nice things for someone you love means you are degrading yourself, but I also don’t believe someone who truly loves you will ever ask you do anything you wouldn’t willingly do. These tips are for couples who are in consensual, loving relationships.

1. Your partner doesn’t care if you have the perfect body. They just want you to show them in this little way that you want to be sexy for them. Surprise your partner and put on something sexy that you know he or she will find appealing.

2. Set an atmosphere that lets your partner know you’re in a romantic mood. Sometimes they like to have the guesswork taken out of it. Light some candles, put the satin sheets on the bed, get out the furry handcuffs – whatever it is that sets a mood for you and your partner.

3. Men and women can be insecure. Don’t criticize or make your partner feel inadequate. Let your partner when he or she makes you feel. When something occurs that curls your toes, say so. The best way to get what you want is to have open communication with your partner.

4. Sometimes, it’s ok to have sex even if you aren’t really in the mood (sex should always be consensual). Think of it this way: people who have sex two to three times a week are happiest, and there are actual health benefits to having sex. Sex can actually relieve headaches and tension and make you sleep better. And there is no better way to let your partner know that you truly care.

5. Every once in a while, pamper your partner. Give a massage, draw a bubble bath. Chill some champagne and bring in the strawberries and chocolate and feed your partner in bed. Make breakfast in bed. Do something to let the person you love so much know he or she is special.

6. Initiate sex. If you’re the one who always waits for partner to initiate, take a turn taking the lead. Everyone wants to know they are wanted. Tease your partner off and on throughout the day so that there’s no doubt what’s coming later. I guarantee you whatever is on TV won’t stand a chance.

7. Be passionate. For some people, it might be scary new territory, but putting some energy and enthusiasm into your lovemaking can drive partner wild.

8. No matter how the movies or TV depict it, most people aren’t looking for the quick roll between the sheets. You can drive your partner wild by just increasing the amount of physical contact you have all the time, which will in turn make you more intimate. Eye contact, hand holding, light caresses can all make a difference.

9. If you’ve been together for any length of time, sex might be feel a boring routine. Spice it up! Try a different location, a different position. Monogamy doesn’t have to mean monotony!

10. Tell your partner what turns you on. Share your fantasies. You don’t necessarily have to use words if moans will do – but learn how to communicate and guide to improve the experience for both of you.

How do you keep intimacy alive in your relationship?