Getting Real with Kira Hazledine

My darling daughter, Hallie, is quickly approaching her second birthday. Her appetite is growing as fast as she is, but mealtime is anything but easy. Her love for hot dogs and ketchup is unending, and that would be helpful if that’s what we ate for every meal. Or maybe it wouldn’t, since my toddler happens to be picky about her breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Hallie has constant eyes on the kitchen and what’s cooking, and I wouldn’t be surprised if she were to be the next Gordon Ramsay. Here are Hallie’s 10 rules for every meal. Aren’t kids fun?

  1. Just because I liked it yesterday, doesn’t mean I’m going to eat it today. Or ever again.
  2. This is my favorite meal, but I’m still going to throw it at you and everyone else. Especially that stranger at the restaurant.
  3. Do you know what salt is? Get back in the kitchen and don’t come back until you’ve learned how to season properly.
  4. I don’t want MY food, I want YOUR food. Despite it being the exact same.
  5. I will not be belittled with a plastic Elmo fork. Get me some real silverware that actually stabs food, or I will stab you in the arm.
  6. 5pm is dinner time. We are on a strict schedule here, so lateness will not be tolerated. I will scream until I’m fed.
  7. My food must be cut into ridiculously small bites, otherwise my overactive gag reflex will cause me to puke on the table.
  8. When I’m finished, everyone is finished. Eat faster.
  9. Food is art. That’s why I’ve painted the table, my hands, and my face with spaghetti sauce.
  10. I’m bored with every single meal option that we normally eat, so you better come up with something new, stat.

I’ve never seen a child be so fussy about their food, but the girl knows what she wants. Who knows, maybe she will be a famous chef one day and this is her start. I’ll continue to teach her good table habits, but I can’t do anything about her tastes. Soon she will be old enough to tell me exactly what she wants, but I think I’m dreading that a little more than the current guessing game.