View from the Dragonfly’s Back
MomsGetReal Soul Feeder Chris Wilcox
Two years ago today, I arrived in Fort Worth for what would be only 15 months of non-Idaho residency. My sister and I pulled up in front of a little house just off Berry Street & University Drive, wiggled a moving truck past a maple sapling into a driveway that could only be described as perilous on its best days, and then we drove to Dee’s house in Crowley to spend the night.
I unpacked for what I had thought was going to be at least a couple of years, but it wasn’t. And it almost seems like it never really happened now. It’s become nothing more than a movie preview that led into the chaos that became 2013, which is interesting to me; at the time, it was a boulder in the middle of a puddle. The boulder became a pebble into the ocean, and covered the endless floor with a new layer of sand in the process.
But the sand is pretty – so I’ll keep it around.
So what’s ahead for 2014? I’m not sure. Here’s what I know.
I’m feeling far less “mystical” at the end of this year than I did at the end of 2011; maybe it drained away through the cracks that surfaced in my life when I was trying to force things to stay together. Maybe it’s because I fell off the cloud that I had attached to living somewhere else and I’ve landed back where I started. Maybe it’s because I’ve grown up a little or because I’ve realized that I don’t have to take life so seriously. I don’t feel a need to peel back all the layers and dig into what every last detail means anymore or what my distance from all of that means right now – maybe that’s smart or maybe that’s stupid. I’m not sure yet.
It seems like – for me and for those around me – Reality 2013 crashed in with a force that no one really expected, but we (unknowingly) were ready for it. Everything I went through – all the shit, heartache, baggage sorting, tears, laughter, friends found and lost – prepared me for the chess square I’m standing on now. Some days I’m the Queen, some days the Rook, other days, I’m just the Pawn – and may very well be the one that’s sacrificed. But the game always picks up again. For 2014 – I think it’s time to play again.