View from the Dragonfly’s Back

MomsGetReal Soul Feeder Chris Wilcox

Here’s the scene: It’s December 28th.  I’m at my parents’ house in Idaho Falls. My cousin, Valarie, is driving from Minnesota to her parents’ house in Iowa.
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Somehow we get on the subject of weight loss.

Now, I have to disclose that my beautiful cousin has ALWAYS been a standard for tall girl beautiful to me.  She’s always looked fit and drop dead gorgeous whenever I’ve seen her. She’s been an athlete and a runner for as long as I can remember, and I always just thought that the flat-where-it-should-be, curvy-sexy-beautiful thing she’s had going on for the whole of my existence was something she just did, so I was kind of shocked to be having this conversation with her.

To balance this out with my reality, I feel like I’ve struggled with my weight since I was 5, but in all reality, it’s probably only been about 20 years. (YAY! 1993 or 1994 – I’m going to blame my first ex-husband) 😉  Honestly, I would stand in my front yard naked in subzero temps during Christmas-Lights-drive-around season for an hour to get everything that jiggles to fall off my body spontaneously.  However, I’ve come to learn that the only thing that’s gonna get it to fall off and die is the whole simple hard work thing. Should be easy, right? I’m great at hard work! Now all I have to do is start the project!

Back to the conversation, Valarie and I decide on a goal – just 1/2 lb. a week. At this rate (in my head) Valarie will be at her target weight by January 8th. I, however, will be there sometime before I retire in 2046.

Of course, as any good hard worker knows, one must prepare for work, so on January 1, I THOUGHT REALLY HARD about what my preparations should be.  I’ve got to set up the space, right?  And I’m still at my parents’ house for a few more days, so let’s burn off a few calories shopping for the new TV that needs to go into said space before I can even think about exercising in it (never mind that there’s $3,000 worth of exercise equipment already in said-space, gathering dust; the right TV – oh and blu-ray player, don’t forget that – will make the space the “right space”).

The TV was hanging by January 8th, if I remember correctly.  The Wii Fit program was running the following night. I turned it on, and lo and behold, there was my chubby little Mii, waiting in the Plaza and waving.  When I clicked on it, the Wii reported it had been 1,692 days since my last check in – that’s 4.5 years for anyone who can’t do the math in their head.

Obviously, the Wii has been drinking a lot in her off time and can’t do math.

Then, I waited for the moment at which Wii said “Step on.” For those of you who have experienced the disappointed “Oh…” that the Wii produces when you step on the balance board, you may understand why my commitment to using it spiraled downward. I heard it again, and the 4.5 years of time that had elapsed since the last time I’d heard it didn’t dull the pain of it this year.

Sigh.

Over the last 10 days, Wii and Mii have continued our love-hate relationship. The good part about being Tall Girl is I have a lot of space over which to distribute all those cheese and bacon omelets I consumed when I was home over Christmas. The bad part is, my relationship to gravity produces numbers I don’t want to see anymore. Ever.  Good part – I’m conscious (entirely due to the bigger TV, I’m sure) of making better choices now, so maybe between my cousin and the disappointed Wii “Oh….” I can see my way to use the space and have everything that’s currently jiggling fall off and die. Another good part – it’s after mid-January, and I’m still working on it.

Namaste.

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