Stress Management for Kids

Getting Real With Shadra Bruce

parkerI have a confession. Every weekend, Dave and I play Mario Kart on our Wii. It’s more than just a video game. It’s a way to recognize that it is the weekend, that the work week is over. And it’s a way to relieve stress. During the game as we race, we get wildly competitive, scream and yell, and really let loose. It’s a wonderful stress release, much like our morning walks during the week.

When your children get upset, regardless of age, they feel many of the emotions that adults do, including anger and stress. Things get messy (sometimes literally) when your child has all of these emotions flying around but doesn’t know how to handle them yet. Younger children especially might throw toys or lash out physically.

Teach Your Child to Manage Stress

Even when a child is too young for critical thinking, there are better ways to handle a tough situation besides kicking mom in the shin and throwing legos. Expose your child to some harmless forms of stress relief.

  • Engage your child in physical activity. Run around outside, crank the music and dance, or jump up and down to release stress in a healthy way.
  • If screaming tends to be the release your child turns to, give them a safe outlet to get it out. Teach them how to scream into a pillow when frustrated, or have a 2-minute yell zone that helps them get the stress out.
  • If your child is prone to throwing things when frustrated, take them out and throw a ball with them or even let them throw clods of dirt at a tree or something.

Finding safe outlets for your child will give them relief and the ability to understand that their anger and stress is ok. How they handle it is what is important and soon they will hopefully be able to use more words than actions.

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Stress Management for Kids is protected by international copyright. (c) Shadra Bruce owner of MomsGetReal.


Keep Pedaling

1351011551ud4zbNothing in life is worth doing if you’re not passionate about it. And if you’re passionate about it, it’s always worth it. The simplest job can be a wonderful experience if you can expand your mind enough to see how it fits into your bigger picture and appreciate the skills and experiences you gain from it. Every step we take, professionally and personally, is part of an overall journey of discovery. Make the most out of your journey by keeping an open mind and fully engaging in every experience.

It’s easy to be distracted by everything that life throws at you, but the people who achieve the most success are the ones who stay focused. Achieving your goals requires more than just effort; it will require consistently putting one foot in front of the other while maintaining confidence in your own agenda (even – and perhaps especially – when it differs from what others might expect from you). Think of the effort it takes to make that first push on the pedal of a bike: the first push is the hardest, but then, as long as you keep pedaling, you keep moving forward. If you stop, you have to give it that big push all over again. So stay focused – and keep pedaling.

Don’t let momentary setbacks keep you from seeing both the progress you’ve made and the view up ahead. Sure, you’re going to have rough times. You’re going to change directions, question yourself, and worry that every step you’ve taken is wrong. If it wasn’t hard to get there, you wouldn’t appreciate it nearly as much as you will. And one of those things you may have to learn with time is that even when the road has a lot more curves than you expect, you’ll eventually look back and love the journey you took to get where you’re going.

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Keep Pedaling is protected by international copyright. (c) Shadra Bruce owner of MomsGetReal.


Other Mothers: Our Own Worst Enemy

Getting Real With Shadra Bruce
Like the bodies that make the babies, motherhood itself comes in all shapes and sizes. And it really doesn’t matter what kind of mom you are; you’ll end up facing criticism. If you work while parenting, you aren’t there for your kids. If you stay at home, you don’t understand how to balance work and family. If you’re a single mom, you’re depriving your child of a father. If you’re a married mom, you have no idea how hard it is to do it alone. Don’t breastfeed? Don’t tell anyone – you obviously don’t love your child as much as nursing moms. Only have one kid? You can’t possibly call yourself a real parent.

Wanna know what’s worse?

It’s not dads or society doing the finger pointing, blaming, and labeling. It’s other mothers.

Perhaps it’s deeply seated in our own insecurities, but many of the harshest critics of the way we all mother is other mothers. Us. We look at another mom and don’t understand her choices, lifestyle, or parenting methods. And rather than extending her any understanding or even an open mind, we judge, quickly and harshly. Many of the issues over which mothers disagree have no clear cut answers. Every mother does the best she can with the experience and unique understanding of her own child that she has.

I’m guilty of this judging.

As a mother of five, I’ve often joked that you’re not a “real” mom if you only have one child…even though many of the most lovely women and mothers I know and are friends with do only have one child. Honestly, it’s more a reflection of my own jealousy or frustration, because with five kids, we couldn’t afford every event and dance lesson our kids wanted that my friend with only one child always could. Or I was frustrated at one more sibling argument that my friends with only one child would not experience.  Suffer with me! That’s what I wanted.

As a stepmom, I was also quick to pass judgement on other stepmoms who complained more about their situation or blamed their husband for the troubles they had. It took a lot of time talking to other stepmoms (and a little growing up) to realize that my situation was the one that fell outside of the norm, with far less baggage and frustration from bio mom than most had dealth with. And now that I regularly work with stepmoms and talk to them about their experiences, I have been humbled by how many struggles they’ve had to endure but still keep loving with all their heart and soul.

Mothers have a hard job, whether they have one kid or many, work outside the home or in it, breastfeed or don’t, have a partner or don’t. It’s time for all of us (me) to be more understanding and supportive of every mother and how she chooses to raise her kids.

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Discipline and Your Kids: Always Follow Through

tantrum

It doesn’t seem to matter if your kids are 2 or 12 or 17 and 3/4. All kids know exactly how to push buttons and they are completely ok with pressing every one of them (as if it were their full time job). Sometimes, it feels like my buttons are big and red and say “PRESS ME NOW.” The thing is, when kids are misbehaving, you can’t ignore it and you can’t dismiss it (even if you’re tired, at the end of your rope, or are on your last button). You know you have to dole out some sort of consequence, but wow, parenting is exhausting.

It’s when they’ve worn you out the most that you have to be committed to following through.

If you tell your that Action A will lead to Consequence B and Action A has been set in motion, you have two choices: You give the kid the promised consequence, or you don’t. If you do, your child learns that every choice has a consequence and that the boundaries you promise exist really do.

If you don’t, chaos ensues.

No, really. Maybe not all at once. But if your kids learn that their bad choices or poor behaviors don’t have the consequences they thought (and they will test) then they’ll assume that you’ve lost control, that they are in control, and that they can get away with that behavior and more.

It multiplies exponentially, too, so that if you aren’t following through when your kids are young, it will be even harder to regain control when they get older. Many parents make the mistake of threatening with something that they either can’t deliver or don’t feel comfortable doing, so keeping your consequences enforceable helps.

Our son would occasionally throw a very embarrassing and loud temper tantrum in restaurants. The first time it happened, we were embarrassed but tried to quickl quiet him. The next time we went out, we told him before we ever got out of the car that if he didn’t behave, we would leave. We didn’t even get a chance to finish reading the menu and he was throwing a tantrum. Dave and looked at each other and made a critical choice that has paid off since: we took him out of the high chair, thanked the waitress, left her a tip anyway, and walked out.

DId it suck that the one time we finally managed to have money, time, and energy to go to a restaurant we’d been dying to try that we couldn’t stay? Oh yeah. Would it have sucked more if we’d have coddled our son through his tantrum and not followed through on our consequence? I’m certain of it.

As much as it sucks being the bad guy, sometimes you have to. Kids need boundaries. It’s not always pleasant but it’s better than the disrespect you’ll earn later.

Disclaimer: the son mentioned above is child #4. We had a lot of practice getting here and still aren’t perfect at it. But we keep trying!

How do you handle these kind of discpline issues with your kids?

 

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Discipline and Your Kids: Always Follow Through is protected by international copyright. (c) Shadra Bruce owner of MomsGetReal.


Don’t Make Promises You Can’t Keep

Baseball and gloveA strong relationship is built upon trust, which is so hard to maintain yet so easy to lose. Even your child’s trust isn’t guaranteed, although it may be more steadfast than other relationships. But after a string of empty promises, a child of any age will notice if you aren’t reliable. Once a child feels they cannot trust you, it can be very difficult to go back.

It’s important that you are honest with your child. If you aren’t going to be able to make the baseball game then don’t even say there’s a chance. And don’t keep saying “next time” to your child about a special day together. It will break their heart every time that you don’t appear and soon they won’t believe a word you say. It’s difficult to disappoint your child, but disappointing them with honesty rather than the emptiness of false promises helps your kids know you care.

To avoid such sad feelings on both ends, don’t assume you’ll be able to do something. Know for sure before you make any plans — and then stick to them. Your child will forgive one or two cancellations when you are there for them most of the time. The time you spend with your child is so precious and they will remember those moments forever. And if something changes for the better and you can make that baseball game, the surprise of you showing up unexpectedly will bring your child more joy than you can imagine.

 

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Don’t Make Promises You Can’t Keep is protected by international copyright. (c) Shadra Bruce owner of MomsGetReal.